the one lost....

Sickness has many implications. In the Bible we hear about the good shepard and that one lost sheep. Thinking back upon those 1,5 years when we fought for Esther reminds me of that story. And the truth in it: the Loving parent will leaw the healthy ones and carry the lost/ injured/ sick. I wish I could be more around for my other children that time... They also suffered, they also lost and were partly left behind. But if it was one of them I would " leaw Esther" and carry the sister/ brother. LIfe is brutal!

The way I see it all actually "boils down" to LOVE! And Love hurts.. Esther walked in the valley of the dead and so did we. Walking "hand in hand" in that valley binds you together like nothing else. 6 years has almost gone now since my beloved child left me behind. LONGING I do always. I am also very gratefull for the privelidge, the blessing of being her father- what an honor that has been! Today I can say I know Esther is home. She watch us, pray for us and we will meet again! God gives meening, hope and future and He is way much better than we think!!! Our "peanut brain" cannot comprehend HIS LOVE.

We are limited, some more than others, but all limited. He is limitless and full of LOVE! That I know today. He restores my soul every day and leads me in paths of rigtheousness for His names sake. I see it all now- GLORY!

After death- what then? HOW TO GO ON? Its easy and humanly to "continue walking in that valley of death. Yet, its my clear belife that we must not do that!!! It will drain us, take avay happiness, steal joy and even destoy the realtionship to our Love ones- those that still is there. With Gods revelation all become clear: for me Esther is in a better place, she see us, she pray for us together with Jesus, she love us like Him and want us full of Joy! If we continue down in that valley all this will fade avay. The truth is that we need Gods Love, the perfect Love that NEVER give in/ up. Then we will be free and see things like Him! This is deep truths and again it proves that we are created in His image, to be with Him. And its vital for us. We have been pictured a God that "wants us". An "angry old man" that judge us when we walk avay. That is a lie! The truth is that He love and we NEED HIM. I am not perfect, far off!!!!!!!! But I have seen this truth: that without Him there is NOTHING! Unto whome can I go with my broken hart, who can heal and restore you? 

Many have said to me its hard to walk with God. I never understood that! Its EASY to walk with my Father. He restore me, He heals me, He lift UP my eyes, He renew my spirit, He fills me with Joy and give life a purpose and a future! Is that hard????? From all the shit I have gone through this one thing I have learned: without Him I am truly lost. My life has no purpose, all will be empty and wain without God- that is the TRUTH!